A love that lasts

Updated: Nov 20, 2021

When Dean Koontz said that some people think only intellect counts, that is knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, how to identify an advantage and seize it, he emphasized the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy.

As our society has been evolving, we are becoming more sophisticated and not to forget more complex in several ways. In the rush for modernization, we are losing the one fundamental binder, ‘SOCIAL RELATIONS’ that kept us, humans, together.

It is alarming to see the human connection and bondage being lost while we are growing to be more informed, more educated, and ‘smarter'. What is the point of all the IQ without the right emotions to handle it?

Pondering on this thought is when the concept of emotional intelligence takes more credit. While IQ and EQ work hand in hand, an individual with a higher EQ is more likely to succeed in various facets of life.

EI is an idea that has been receiving the attention it deserves lately. It is also making waves through marriage counseling and even training in business organizations.

Call for EI in relationships

The secret ingredient for a lasting relationship is Emotional Intelligence. After all, a relationship involves two individuals, who are subjected to changes with time, moods, and situations. Being emotionally equipped helps us be extremely aware of the changes – be it large or small, that constantly occur within ourselves and others.

To reach the height of bondage and romance we need all the skills of a high emotional quotient. To start with, it shall include,

• sharp emotional awareness, to avoid confusions between infatuation or lust for lasting love,

• acceptance to experience emotions that could harm the relationship if left unattended,

• active awareness to apprise us of what’s actually working and what isn’t.

Thus, by building an emotional quotient we learn the sensitivity that each of us seeks from our significant other. Through active listening and empathy, we tend to automatically sense the little shifts in the dynamics of the romance that signals a need for action.

Fortunately, our EQ doesn’t need to be peaked before embarking on love. Well, more often than not, falling in love serves as a motivation for re-educating the heart, and setting our priorities.

Why is EQ the important ingredient for love?

What if your partner barges in and yells at you for being late for a dinner plan you both made? How would you feel if you heard your other half say, “you jerk, you are always late so you must not care about me"? I am sure it pricks your heart and clenches your nerves.

Now, for the same situation imagine if your partner says, "I felt hurt and sad when you were late for our dinner plans. Next time you are going to be late, I would appreciate it if you called me.". Of course, this way of communication doesn’t make us defensive. This is an example of the ‘I’ statement which fosters positive communication in relationships.

While positive communication being one, there are many other components that affect relationships. There are 5 aspects to assure healthy relationships:

• Knowing one’s emotions

• Managing emotions

• Recognising emotions in others

• Motivating oneself

• Handling relationships.

According to researchers, prosperous marriage is actually simple: couples should know when and how to admit and apologize for being in the wrong. Of course, it’s true. Additionally, forgive and forget when our partner is at fault, nurtures mutual empathy and respect in the relationship.

What is the motive?

The ability to monitor one's own as well as other's emotions is crucial for better interpersonal relationships. This includes distinguishing how emotions can influence us and use this insight to learn to handle our thoughts and behaviors.

EQ can also play a high role in the ability to manipulate someone into certain feelings or behaviors to merely serve the purpose. We have to make sure we are not misusing our EQ skills. To be sure, it gets easier if we hold a thumb rule as to whether it is ethical or moral to use our EQ skills. This can be achieved, by questioning the ‘motive’. If the attempt is to get someone to do something positive, healthy, or helpful for them, then probably it is the right decision to use the EI powers. Alternatively, if the purpose to use the skill is primarily or exclusively to serve own needs or desires -- such as seducing someone into bed, then in that case one should restrain from doing it.

Hence, it is important not to use EQ skills in a way to deceive others. This skill needs to be put into right use to strengthen the relationship one holds within themselves and others. By nurturing our emotional intelligence, we learn to recognize patterns better and alter our behaviors to handle our own emotions.

In the case of a low EQ partner

After all, we don’t grow emotional muscle at the same rate. Sometimes you might be ahead of your better half, while some other times you might be lagging. It is totally ok to have your pace and merely concentrate on making a better version of yourself, instead of competing with the other.

If you are on the lead track, here are some ways you might want to learn to respond to your mate, with low – EQ:

• Concentrate on communicating with “I feel” statements—about your needs. This shall help your partner to hear that something is wrong with them and motivates them to rectify it.

• Take time to carefully consider the feelings as well as the words that you want your partner to hear. If you aren’t quite sure yourself, your messages might be mixed up.

• If your partner gets defensive to the feeling you’ve expressed, help them understand by verbally repeating their statement. This eventually gives them a feeling of being heard and provides them the assurance they needed.

• Offer acceptance, by encouraging them to work on themselves. And don’t forget to make an effort to listen.

Remember, practice means progress. The more we flex our emotional awareness, the easier it gets to help regulate emotions and use them for our benefit. It is definitely a continuous process, but at least it’s absolutely possible.

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