It’s no secret that relationships are hard work. Sometimes it can feel like you’re fighting all the time, and it seems like nothing is getting better! If this sounds familiar, don't give up - there are always solutions to help make your relationship stronger than ever. In a world like ours, there is a lot of stigma behind negative emotions being bad, but little do we understand that a healthy amount of conflict is necessary to keep the relationship strong and growing.
Fighting with your partner doesn't have to be a bad thing, as long as you follow the tips we jotted down for you below. To give you a little peek this blog post will cover why fights happen in relationships and 6 tips for healthy fighting with a partner.
Am I the problem in the relationship?
If you think that the problem might be with yourself, take a step back and look at your habits. There are many reasons why people fight in relationships but it is usually due to one or both partners being triggered by something they said or did.
One partner says “You never spend time with me!” which triggers feelings of guilt from their partner who replies “Well maybe if you were around more I would have more free time!”
Obviously, this is not going to resolve anything because it will just go back and forth like that forever. Instead, the first person should apologize for making their partner feel guilty along with expressing what they want to fix about themselves without an accusatory tone. Then instead of the conversation turning into a fight, it can be more constructive.
Another example is that one partner gets triggered by their significant other’s tone of voice or words and then they will lash out at them - this just makes the fight worse because it doesn't give the person a chance to explain themselves. It's better to take time before you respond so you can make sure your responses are honest, constructive, and without anger. By doing this there won't be any misunderstandings which could lead to unnecessary fights. There are many more tips like these in our other blog posts as well! We highly recommend you check it out, start now!
If both partners follow these six simple rules for fighting with each other fairly, arguments don't have to end up as hurtful blowouts anymore- instead, every disagreement can help your relationship grow!
Top six tips to maintain a respectful relationship while fighting:
#1 Watch Your Language!
It's easy to let our emotions get the best of us and say things we don't mean. It's important to choose the right way to express your emotions. No degrading language or below-the-belt comments - stay respectful. You just need to express yourself in a way that your partner will understand.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or just can't find the right words to express how you're feeling - write them down. If your partner doesn't let you speak, take a break by saying something like "I really need time to think about what I want to say" (don’t make it personal).
#2 Watch Out For Tension
If one or both partners are in a heightened emotional state, physically move away and self-soothe before returning back when you feel calmer. This can help prevent saying or doing something hurtful out of anger!
This is a great tip to avoid any long-lasting scarring of your relationship.
Remember, no yelling either! Set up boundaries for what is okay during an argument with your significant other before it gets too heated. Even if things get intense sometimes, remember it's important to take turns speaking so that each person gets their feelings across without interruption. Listen carefully while they speak and acknowledge that they have heard before any other response is given - this includes nodding along or even repeating some parts back to them. When one person is talking, do not ignore them by walking away or refusing to speak. This will only cause more problems than solutions!
#4 The Silent Treatment
Do not stonewall (the silent treatment) either - communicate like adults even if neither party wants to talk about certain topics right now. If you think there are issues that need to be solved - do not ignore them. Bring it up and try to find a solution together!
Silence never fixes anything and can even make the situation worse. If one party is upset, it does not mean they are trying to ignore you or give you the silent treatment - do not assume that this is what your partner wants!
#5 A little therapy never hurt anyone
Sometimes it is hard to resolve communication bridges with your partner. This is why it might be helpful to seek couples counseling or therapy - you will feel less alone and more equipped with tools for talking about your problems. It can help both of you become better communicators! Even the strongest relationships need a little help sometimes.
Just like you would go to the gym and work out if your relationship has a problem - it needs its own exercise routine. Sometimes these routines can be better set with professional in a controlled environment.
Just remember - when things get tough, one of the best ways to deal is with communication tools and techniques! You don't have to work out your problems alone. In fact, it might be better if you both seek help together so that you can learn how to support each other through these hard times too. When there are two people willing to fix their relationship it makes all the difference. If no solution happens right away or at least not an agreeable one - take time apart.
This will allow for space between emotions and thoughts about what was said during the argument. When ready come back together when both the partners agree on more peaceful behavior than before this fight happened again.
To end with..
Loving each other is the best way to truly support one another. Learning to communicate the right way is important for both people to feel loved and happy. You can't love someone properly if you don't know how to fight fairly with them too. This is why it's so important to learn these different tips on fighting fair in relationships or marriage! Remember that this isn't only about the partner - but also yourself as well because no one deserves to be treated poorly especially when they are trying their best at supporting you. It is always better late than never knowing what healthy communication looks like between two people even if there has been a lot of hurt feelings before now.
You can always reach out to Safe Space Therapy if you are looking for couples therapy, we'll be happy to help you work around your concerns!